Teach your baby the difference between night and day

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Many babies mix up their days and nights at first, sleeping long stretches during the day only to perk up once the sun goes down. Helping your baby learn to tell day from night is a key first step to getting into a workable routine.

Amy Shelley, mom to 8-month-old Alex, offers these tips: "During the day, keep the house bright. Do the exact opposite at night: Keep the house dim and quiet. Don't talk to your baby much during night feedings. Let him learn that night is for sleeping and daytime is for socialization and playtime."

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Home > Baby > Baby Schedules > Baby Sleep & Feeding Schedules
Seven keys to creating a successful baby sleep, feeding, and play schedule
by Maureen Connolly
Reviewed by the BabyCenter Medical Advisory Board
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Highlights

Get your baby used to a bedtime routine early on
Teach your baby the difference between night and day
Learn to read your baby's cues
When starting out, put your baby's schedule first
Expect changes during growth spurts and milestones
Adjust your baby's schedule to suit his age
Don't expect perfection

Getting into a regular schedule for sleep, feeding, and activities can make life easier for you and your baby. But how to start? Below, find seven great guidelines for establishing a routine that works.

Get your baby used to a bedtime routine early on

Once you have a consistent bedtime worked out, a daytime routine will fall into place, says Tanya Remer Altmann, a pediatrician and editor-in-chief of The Wonder Years: Helping Your Baby and Young Child Successfully Negotiate the Major Developmental Milestones.

And the easiest way to establish a regular bedtime is to start a predictable bedtime routine that you and your baby can depend on night after night.

"The bedtime routine is the most important thing to consider when establishing a schedule," says Altmann. "You can't force it in the first few months, but you can start practicing at around 2 months."

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Altmann says to keep it simple: a warm bath, jammies, a feeding, then lights-out. It's fine if feeding lulls your baby to sleep in the early months, Altmann says, but by 3 or 4 months you may want to try putting him down awake so he'll learn to fall asleep on his own.

What you can do about bedtime battles

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Set aside some time to talk to your child about his day. Your kindergartner may be fighting sleep simply because he needs time to check in with you after a long day at school. Especially if you work long hours yourself, allot some time before bed to chat with him about goings-on at kindergarten and to get the scoop on the latest dramas in his social life. You may find that he's more amenable to sleep if he's had a chance to unburden himself.

Stick to a bedtime routine. Make a pictorial chart for your kindergartner to follow — including his bath, toothbrushing, bedtime story, and goodnight kiss. Also include his usual (and reasonable) requests — like that second sip of water or a peek at the moon. Give him some notice before it's time to start the routine each night ("Austin, five minutes before bath time!"). Try not to let him dawdle or drag things out with activities that aren't part of the routine — no third glass of water or round of "Dinosaur Rock," for instance.

Motivate him. When your kindergartner goes to bed on time, the rewards for you are obvious. Make it clear what's in it for him too. The morning after he sticks with the routine, praise him and give him a sticker to put on a special chart. Offer him a reward — like a new book or a bike ride — when he stays in bed four or five nights in a row. (Start small — for a kindergartner, a few days is a long time to hang in there!) Try to tune in to your child's particular motivators: "When you're big enough to stay in bed all night, you can spend the night at Grandma's." You might even set up a bartering system — tokens earned for getting to bed on time and staying there, and tokens lost for getting to bed late or sneaking out. A certain number of tokens "buys" him game time on the computer, a trip to the park with you, or a sleepover with his buddies. (Just what you need: Three wakeful kindergartners!)

Offer choices. Refusing to go to bed is a powerful way for your child to assert himself. So it might help to find an acceptable means for allowing him to be assertive. Let him decide if he wants to hear Shel Silverstein poems or a chapter of Stuart Little before lights-out, for instance, or ask if he'd like a sip of water before or after he climbs into bed. Be careful to offer only choices you can live with; if you ask "Want to go to bed now?" you probably won't like the answer you get.

Be calm but firm. Even if your 5-year-old cries or pleads for an exception to the going-to-bed rule, stand your ground. If you're frustrated, don't engage in a power struggle. Speak calmly and quietly but insist that when time's up, time's up. If you give in to his request for "five more minutes, please," you'll only hear it again tomorrow night.

Take a stepladder to success. You can't expect your child to learn, in one fell swoop, how to go to bed and sleep all night according to your perfect scenario. Take it one step at a time: If your kindergartner's used to falling asleep in your bed, maybe his first step is to fall asleep in his own. His second step could be learning to limit his nocturnal "escapes" to one per night, or calling for you only once without actually getting up. Build your way to the ultimate goal (sleeping through the night without a peep) in successive, successful steps.

Problem solve. Figure out why your 5-year-old finds it tough to keep his head on the pillow at night. Ask about his specific objections to bedtime — is it because he's not tired? Scared? It's too quiet? Offer him a flashlight if he's afraid of the dark. Eliminate nighttime TV if the shows make him jumpy. Let him play a soothing CD at low volume if the quiet is too much for him. And be sure to listen to his ideas about what might be helpful. After all, a plan that he helps devise has a better chance of succeeding. Make sure your kindergartner's getting lots of fresh air and exercise during the day. Or consider moving bedtime back an hour (just make sure to allow for 9 1/2 to 11 1/2 hours of sleep a night, which is what kids this age need). Some physical activity and a slight schedule change may be all it takes to ensure that your child is good and tired when bedtime rolls around.

Why kindergartners resist bedtime

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If you're like most parents, you're all too familiar with this scenario: You put your kindergartner to bed at 8:30 at night, hugging and kissing him and wishing him sweet dreams. It's been a long day, but still the dinner dishes await, you have bills to pay, the dog needs to be walked and the cat fed, and you haven't had a spare moment to put your feet up. But instead of spending the rest of the evening catching up on your chores and clocking some precious time with your partner, you're in and out of your 5-year-old's room, cajoling him to sleep. He finally nods off — about three hours after he first went to bed.

Take heart: Bedtime can be rough for a kindergartner. On the one hand, he's learning to assert himself and his independence (hence the jack-in-the-box action on his bed). On the other hand, a kindergartner's days (and nights) are sometimes fraught with insecurities and fear. "Your 5-year-old needs your reassurance, and stalling at bedtime might allow him to squeeze just a bit more of it into his day," explains Jodi A. Mindell, associate professor of psychology at St. Joseph's University in Philadelphia and the author of Sleeping Through the Night.

Your 5-year-old now

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By age 5, many kids recognize most uppercase and lowercase letters. These are typically taught in kindergarten. They also know that letters represent sounds and can begin to match the two ideas. This is called phonemic awareness, an essential reading skill.

That's why you may notice your child isolating sounds. He may realize that puppy starts with a p sound and can think of other words that start with the letter P. He may take the next logical step and begin sounding out words, breaking down "cat" into c, a, and t.
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At this point, he may even be able to read a few words by sight, like "the" or "and." If he asks you to spell a word for him, go ahead. He may even try to sound out and write words on his own. These invented spellings often leave out vowels. Vowel sounds are the hardest to master because they vary so much.

Keep playing with language, and make it fun. The more your child manipulates sounds within words, the more easily reading will come. Play lots of word games. Make up rhyming words. Find objects around the house that start with the same letter. Ask him what "mom" would sound like if you left off the first m sound.
Your life now

Help is on the way! Your child is able to handle small chores around the house. So it's a great time to assign a few if you haven't yet. He can help set the table, rake leaves with a child-sized rake, sort socks, or fill the dog's water bowl. Five-year-olds enjoy being helpers most of the time. But being able to do a task doesn't mean he'll remember to do it or do it willingly every time (especially once the novelty wears off). Doing chores will teach responsibility and build confidence. It also helps him feel like he's part of the "team" that is your family.

What you can do to spark your grade-schooler's imagination

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Read books. Even if your grade-schooler is reading on her own, it's a good idea to keep looking at books together and to find ways to make reading fun. Besides the valuable cuddle time, talking with her about the stories will help fuel her imagination. Expose her to different authors and different kinds of writing — science fiction, historical fiction, poetry, diaries. Also be sure to show her that there are books for finding out about things -- reference and other nonfiction books to answer questions of all sorts. This demonstrates that there's a huge world out there — and that it's within her grasp.

Share stories. Make up stories together. Your own tales will not only provide a sense of possibilities for your child's inventive thinking, they'll demonstrate the basics of creating characters and plots. And using your child as the main character helps expand her sense of self and gives her the vicarious experience of having fantastic adventures.

If your child enjoys making up her own stories, encourage her writing skills: Prompt her to put her stories on paper, either by handwriting or by typing on the computer, and bind the pages into little books she can illustrate. Some kids will take right off with this project; others will need a bit more direction ("Why don't you write a sentence that describes the lion, then a sentence about how Sarah felt when he escaped from his cage?"). Many grade-schoolers enjoy keeping journals filled with entries about their daily encounters, flights of fancy, and concerns.

Relish her artwork. Your grade-schooler is now more goal-oriented than when she was younger, so with art projects she may be focusing more on the outcome than on the process. Do what you can to help her enjoy the creative activity itself and avoid frustration with less-than-perfect results. If she asks for your help in drawing or making a representational object, resist the urge to jump in and do it for her; instead, walk her through the conceptual steps, asking her what elements make up a house, for instance, or what details she remembers about her classroom if she's drawing her school. You can also cut out pictures from magazines and catalogs that may inspire her to offer her own renditions. And be sure to supply examples of other artwork — from classical to modern — so she can see that art includes a wide range of interpretations, perspectives, and styles.

Make music. By now your grade-schooler may be eager and ready for music lessons. If you're unsure, ask an instructor to help you evaluate your child's readiness. Whether or not she plays an instrument, you can still fill her world with music. Listen to a variety of tunes together and encourage her to participate by singing, dancing, or playing instruments — real, toy, or homemade. She can follow along with a song being played or make up her own, complete with lyrics. (Be sure to have a video or audio recorder on hand!)

Encourage pretend play. Children learn a lot from dramatizing events from their daily — and fantasy — lives. When your grade-schooler invents a scenario and plot line and peoples it with characters ("I'm the doctor and you're the patient and you need a shot"), she develops social and verbal skills. She'll work out emotional issues as she replays scenarios that involve feeling happy, sad, frightened, or safe. She might reenact the tiff on the school playground today, for example, or role-play different ways to handle the copycat who sits next to her in class.

She'll develop her understanding of cause and effect as she imagines how you or her friend or her teacher would behave in a particular situation. She's also practicing discipline, especially since she'll be making the rules herself or in collaboration with a playmate (the array of intricate rules kids come up with always astounds adults).

Provide props. Towels become turbans, plastic bracelets become precious jewels, old bathroom rugs turn into magic carpets, and that moth-eaten collection of stuffed animals transforms itself into a rain forest, animal hospital, or farm. Because children playing imaginative games love to assume the role of someone else — a parent, a baby, a pet — a simple object like a toy cash register or a chalkboard can be all it takes to spark creative play. Since most of the action happens inside your child's head, the best props are often generic, and detailed costumes modeled after specific superheroes really aren't needed.

Providing a special box or trunk to hold pretending paraphernalia can make playtime even more of an adventure, especially if you occasionally restock when your child's not looking ("Let's see what's in the trunk today!"). Including more than one of the same item can help, too, since two pirates or princesses are always better than one.

Use the computer judiciously. Just because tech companies are churning out software for kids doesn't mean your child will turn out computer-illiterate if she doesn't do daily computer time. Still, there are quality programs that can spark a grade-schooler's imagination, from drawing, painting, and music software to geography games. And the Internet can be invaluable for looking up topics of interest and exposing your child to different cultures and ideas from around the world.

Limit TV time. When it comes to your child's TV viewing, balance is key. Some excellent programs can show your child how a rocket is launched, for example, or how kids her age live in Japan, and you can record shows to provide quality programming on your schedule. But don't overdo it.

Movies and TV shows tend to limit a budding imagination since they do the visualizing for your child, says Michael Meyerhoff, executive director of Epicenter, a parenting information center in Illinois. If your child does watch TV, keep it to less than an hour or two a day. Resist the temptation to use it as an electronic babysitter; instead, sit and watch along with her, posing questions, expanding on ideas presented in the show or movie, and finding out what strikes her as most interesting.

Let her be bored. We tend to think we need to provide our children with constant enrichment through school, after-school activities, and weekend sports or music classes. And it's painful to hear "I'm booooored!" on unscheduled Saturday afternoons. But don't feel compelled to whip up an activity every time she whines. Being forced to figure out how to amuse herself often leads to the most inventive and absorbing games your child will play. You never know what you might learn yourself when she decides to see if one roll of Scotch tape can run from the upstairs bathroom all the way to the backyard, or whether couch cushions balanced on blocks make as good a fort as a blanket slung over the kitchen chairs.

Why encouraging imagination is important

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An active imagination helps your grade-schooler in more ways than you might think.

Improving vocabulary. Children who play make-believe games or listen to lots of fairy tales, stories from books, or tales spun by those around them tend to have noticeably better vocabularies.

Taking control. Pretending allows your grade-schooler to be anyone she likes, practice things she's learned, and make situations turn out the way she wants. Stories where the brave young girl journeys through the haunted castle or imagined scenarios of rescuing her whole family from space invaders give your child a sense that she can be powerful and in control even in unfamiliar or scary situations.

Learning social rules. Getting along socially can be tricky at any age. When your grade-schooler and her pals script a talent show complete with costumes, songs, and dance numbers, she's not only being creative, she's learning complex, real-world rules about sharing, social interaction, and resolving conflicts.

Solving problems. Dreaming up imaginary situations teaches your child to think creatively in real life. A study at Case Western Reserve University found that young children who are imaginative tend to remain so as they get older and to become better problem solvers. Tested later in life, early "imaginators" were more resourceful when it came to coping with challenges and difficult situations, such as what to do if they forgot to bring a book they needed for school that day.

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